Good Grief to Loss!

Brace yourself this one is long, difficult and painful to process. 

The rain of loss.

Have you experienced loss? Loss comes in many forms. Loss of belongings, friendships, relationships, the past, jobs, finances, identity then finally the deepest of wounds the loss of loved ones. It can be challenging to navigate and hard to understand why loss occurs, or how to deal with it. So many questions about it, am I wrong? The definition of loss according to the world is this; the fact or process of losing something or someone. And, according to God is this; the Bible describes the loss of a loved one as a painful process of grief that can be accompanied by sadness, distress, and sorrow. In the losing of material possessions can be a path to spiritual fulfillment, if it's done for a higher purpose. That people lose their identity in this world, by compromising character with actions they later regret. The Bible shows that loss of a job refers to the experience of being unemployed, which is seen as a disruption to the divinely ordained duty of work, potentially causing stress and uncertainty about providing for oneself and family. The Bible views loss of a relationship as a painful experience where the desire for reconciliation leads to despair. In the Bible, the idea of loss of the past is hard to let go of because we tend to hold on to what was comfortable, and change is hard to adapt too. Let’s face it, there is so much loss in our personal lives, but, also in the world right now. This is heavy on the heart for sure. Loss can be crippling and dangerously debilitating.   

So much pain.

None of this tells us how we are to handle this, or the weight of the pain associated with these losses. We must first explore the process more in depth, to gain insight into loss itself. There is a word for this pain caused by loss it is grief. The definition of grief from the world is this; deep sorrow, especially that’s caused by someone's death. From God, is this; a profound emotional response to loss, often characterized by sorrow, mourning, and lamentation. Grief, however, can be good. Did you know the process has purpose? Although it may feel like it doesn’t because it is so painful there are a lot of rewards in loss and the pain it carries. How can something so painful be a good thing? Let’s dive into this one painful piece at a time. As someone who has experienced a lot of loss, I know the hurt that surrounds it as well as the benefits gained from it. I can also say it would have not been so beneficial had I not had God to aide me in this process. I mentioned a word above, mourning. The Bible tells us this about mourning; it is the emotional expression of grief or sorrow, often in response to the loss of a loved one or something of value. In Matthew 5:4 NKJV it states this; Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted. Psalms 147:3 NKJV gives us this; He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. The mourning process is, allowing yourself to feel what you feel about your loss, weather sadness, anger, denial or remorse. It is very vital that we let these emotions out and God our creator wants us to let these emotions out. The good in this? In these released emotions we are making room for God to comfort us through this hard time and God wants to comfort us. We are also allowing God to grow us and bring us to different places in our life that need to take place. He may be removing and making room for new things and opportunities for us, and finally the most important drawing us nearer to Him.

God's Helping hand.

Believe it or not God relates to us in this area of loss on so many levels. The one example specifically I want to have in relation for this piece is Jesus. God had a son and wanted a life of gain for us, so much so, that He himself witnessed His son dying for us. Can you relate to this father’s pain in the loss of a child? If you have experienced loss, then you most definitely are able to relate. You see loss has no hierarchy. Meaning, no loss outweighs the other and no form of how that loss has happened, outweighs the other. Loss brings the same emotions for everyone, maybe at different times in the process of our loss, but, these emotions, they will and do come. Even though He, God, experienced loss He still wants to be there with us in ours. Psalm 34:18 NKJV promises this; the Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite (remorseful) spirit and Psalm 23:4 NKJV, yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For YOU (God) are with me; Your rod and Your staff comfort me. Both of these verses describe the promises of God in our time of mourning. These are just some of the good benefits to grief.

At the grave

While we are mourning there is something else that is happening to us in this loss, the next of these words I used was lamentation. These are our responses in outward actions during our grief. Some of these may look like this we cry, scream, hide, isolate, have outbursts of rage, or do radical things in our choices because we are in need at this time. We are looking for a form of relief of the pain from the sorrow or regret of this loss. The good news while lamenting, is that God wants to hear how this loss has affected us in our life and relationships but especially in our hearts. Although we may be acting out this doesn’t stop God from caring about what we are experiencing from the loss. It also once again gives opportunity for closeness to God. He wants to hear us and not only hear us but comfort us. 2nd Corithians NKJV 1:3 says this; Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the father of mercies and God of all comfort. He is our comfort in these times even when we are crying out loud in a rage or a fit of emotion due to our lack in understanding. Rest assured He wants to hear these outbursts as well. 1st Peter 5:7 NKJV welcomes this; casting all your cares upon Him (God) for He cares for you. We are allowed to go through this process of grief on every level. So letting this process happen is important. However, God doesn’t want us to stay there forever or make idols out of the things or people we have lost. And though grief is intended to be a healthy process it can become unhealthy in how we are handling it, or not dealing with it. So, what are the beneficial ways to handle this grief.

The waiting.

Time. We need to give grief time. Time is the first thing needed for this process even in the Bible we see the importance of time Ecclesiastes 3:1, 2, 4, and 6 NKJV tells us how time is seen; To everything there is a season, A time for everything under heaven, A time to be born and a time to die, A time to plant and a time to pluck away what is planted; A time to weep and a time to laugh and a time to mourn and a time to dance, A time to gain and a time to lose a time to keep and a time to throw away. If we were to be stuck in just one time, we rob the opportunity for all the other things that deserve to have their time. So, taking the appropriate amount of time to accept, and, hurt from any loss is key. What we do not want to do is stay there. How long this process can take depends on us, but I can tell you this, we our self, can’t work on our own strength to get out of the emotional cycle of grief. Thank God for God right! He gave us a way out and that way is praying. Prayer is a very beneficial tool when in grief Psalm 30:11 NKJV expresses the success of seeking the Lord through prayer and supplication; You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness. How does God help us, He wipes our tears from our eyes, He gives us rest in our time of hurting. The next is trust, trusting that God will heal you from the hurt you are feeling and relying on him continually through the process. The pain may have happened overnight but the hurt lasts through our life which is why we need God. Psalm 119: NKJV helps us trust because of this; My comfort in my suffering is this; your promise preserves my life.

Remember

Let’s now answer the questions of how we are to handle all this loss mentioned above and the loss of our loved one and what happened to the person we loved when they left us forever. I want to briefly cover all the other loss I mentioned above of material things relationships, identity and Job. First know who you are in God Psalms139:14 NKJV reveals our identity this way; I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are your works, and that my soul knows very well. He didn’t make us in the image of what the world says we have to be, but in his image. It is who you are to God not what you do or how you look that is most important but only how He sees you because He created you. So, for the loss of the material things or Job know this, that these things here on earth are all temporary, they will fade away with the earth. It should also be brought to our attention that none of it goes with us when we depart from earth. To worry and strife over these things doesn’t add to the days of our existence. Matthew 6:19-20 Tells us what we ought not to do; Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal. We are to tressure each other. God makes room for all things in our life and sometimes that means removing things. Job 1:21 tells how this is so; And he said (Job): “Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return there. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; Blessed be the name of the LORD.” Even Job himself experienced so much loss all at one time, losing all his belongings, his family, and even his health. The good news is that Job called upon God and He answered him. It may not have been right away and that is the just of it, time is a piece that must happen for loss. The reality of the loss and the pain of it isn't going to go away right away.

The unknow and the questions

So where have our loved ones gone? Some people believe that they are still among us. And though this may bring us some sort of comfort it is false comfort. How do we know this to be true? The Bible verse 1st Thessalonians 4:13 NKJV tells us where our loved one is; Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. This is telling us that they are asleep, in a rest, with God himself until the day of Judgement. From the creator they were made and to the creator they have returned. They will also be resurrected because of the resurrection of Christ Jesus. So, we should not fret because we will get to see them again. Does this stop the hurt of missing them? Absolutely not, but it does reassure us that God the Father of all of us sees, knows, and cares where His children, all of his children are. 1st John 3:1 NKJV tells us how we are related to God; See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Though we may have to go through this hurt it is for but a moment. What is most important is that we are remembering them for the blessing that we got to have them in our life having gratitude for the time we had with them in this life.

Comfort one another.

We need to recognize this, that there is no time limit to grief, and no one is allowed to tell you when to grieve or even how to grieve. Maybe you are someone who hasn’t experienced loss yet, but, know of someone who is, or has experienced it and you are looking for the best way to aide them in their loss. Luckly the Bible has a word for you to encourage you in helping those who are mourning, Romans 12:15 NKJV gives us this directive; Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn". Be a light in the life of the person who is grieving cry with them hug them and then encourage them to take the next step to peace with the loss. In doing so you are building a bond and showing love, by carrying a burden that is heavy. Galatians 6:2 NKJV allows us to express love in burdens this way; Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Conclusion: Though loss is something we experience and do not really want to especially because of the hurt that follows it, there are many rewards to it. Our closeness with God and others, the comfort we receive from a gracious Father himself and through others, the changes that bring us growth and new opportunities and the gratitude we get from the memories of the person that has impacted our life. These are all the blessings that allow it to be good grief to loss.

The word, Read it, Meditate on it, Apply it!

Isaiah 41:10NKJV:

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Romans 8:26-28 NKJV: 

Likewise, the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession [a]for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.

Matthew 19:26 NKJV:

But Jesus looked at them and said to them, "With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.

Philippians 4:13 NKJV:

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Romans 8:18 NKJV:

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.